


Repondez s'il vous plait

by torino10154



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M, Het, M/M, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Multiple Partners, Slash, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-09
Updated: 2010-01-09
Packaged: 2017-10-11 16:39:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/114459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torino10154/pseuds/torino10154
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Severus throws himself a party for his 50th birthday, (or Severus gets laid early and often).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Repondez s'il vous plait

  


**Title:** _Répondez s'il vous plaît_  
**Word Count:** ~2000  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Pairings:** Implied Severus/multiple characters including: Harry, Remus, Hermione, Luna, Weasleys, Minerva, Sirius, Draco, Blaise, Lucius, Narcissa, Voldemort, Bellatrix, Regulus, Neville, the Patil twins as well as Draco/Blaise, Luna/Ginny, reference to past Remus/Sirius  
**Contains:** Slash, het, femmeslash; merest suggestions of bestiality, threesomes, and BDSM  
**Summary:** Severus throws himself a party for his 50th birthday, (or Severus gets laid early and often).  
**Disclaimer:** Not mine. They belong to JKR.  
**A/N:** Written for [](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/severusbigbang/profile)[**severusbigbang**](http://asylums.insanejournal.com/severusbigbang/). Thank you to both [](http://gryffindorj.insanejournal.com/profile)[**gryffindorj**](http://gryffindorj.insanejournal.com/) and [](http://jadzialove.insanejournal.com/profile)[**jadzialove**](http://jadzialove.insanejournal.com/) for their invaluable input. *hugs*

  


_Knock knock._

Severus ran his hands over his hair, smoothing it down. He continued the motion down the front of his robes. Adjusting his cuffs, as if they needed it, Severus answered the door.

"Potter. I must admit, I am surprised to see you here." Although, it was a pleasant surprise. Not that he'd ever let the whelp know it.

Potter ran his hand through his hair showing his nerves but his eyes were gleaming with something Severus interpreted as desire. _When had Potter stopped being afraid of him?_ he thought to himself ruefully.

"I heard you were having a birthday party."

Severus raised a brow. "Did you now?" He'd expected many different guests, of course, but that Potter was the first to arrive was _interesting_, to say the least.

"Er, can I come in then?" Ah, still a bit intimidated by his old professor, then. Excellent.

Severus nodded, smirking. "You may."

"Brilliant." Severus closed the door after Potter stepped into the sitting room, leaving his cloak on a hook by the door.

"Care for a drink?" Severus waved Potter toward the bar, curious how well he could hold his alcohol.

_Knock knock._

Severus left the boy,—well, _man_ he had to admit—pouring himself what looked liked three fingers of whisky. Idiot.

"Lupin." Severus opened the door for the werewolf.

"Severus. Call me Remus, please." The man's expression suggested he was grateful to have even been invited. "We've known each other for years."

"Of course, _Remus_. And, Remus?"

"Yes?"

"Lose the cardigan. In all the years we've known each other I've _never_ known you to wear one." Remus looked down at the shabby wool and slipped it off. Severus vanished it hoping he'd never see it again.

"Does that mean you'll call me Harry?" Potter asked suddenly, apparently already halfway through his drink.

"Harry?" Remus said, clearly startled to find Potter there.

"What are you doing here, Remus?" Harry asked, a blush colouring his cheeks slightly. Oh, he was delicious. Severus was looking forward to seeing those legendary Quidditch-toned thighs for himself. Although the wolf looked quite fit, now that he'd removed the ghastly cardigan.

"I could ask you the same thing. You seem a bit _young_ for this," Remus said in his best concerned voice.

"I'm of age!" Harry protested, showing just how recently he'd crossed that line.

"He certainly is," Severus purred taking in the lithe form.

Both men turned to face Severus with twin looks of shock on their faces, but before either could reply there was another knock at the door.

"Miss Granger, Miss Weasley, and Miss Lovegood." Severus took each of their outstretched hands in turn and placed a kiss on it. The schoolgirl outfits looked as if they'd been outgrown at least two years before—the blouses stretched tight across their ample chests and the skirts barely covering their pert, round bottoms.

"Harry? Professor Lupin?" Granger looked slightly scandalized. "Severus," she said _sotto voce_ "I thought this was a different sort of party."

"Oh, it's different all right," Remus said under his breath. Harry snickered, now on his second glass of whisky.

"Really, Hermione, you can't believe Severus wouldn't keep his options open," Lovegood replied dreamily. "He's always played both sides, hasn't he?" Severus wanted to ask her a little more about what she might have in mind for the evening, as he suspected she was _very_ creative but there was another knock at the door.

"Another guest," Severus said in mock surprise.

Several ginger haired men came through the door, followed by a large black dog. Severus stepped into the dog's path.

"I must insist you change back immediately." Severus crossed his arms over his chest and stared down at the hairy beast.

The dog shimmered for a moment and then turned into a tall dark haired man in a leather jacket, leather trousers, and leather boots. Sex on two legs.

"Snape."

"Black. Do you _own_ anything besides leather?" Severus asked with a sneer. He really couldn't help himself. Even though Black looked good enough to eat, Severus _had_ to say something. It was a tradition between them.

"I've got quite a collection of—" Sirius started, his smile so bright it was disgusting, if irresistible.

"Sirius!" Remus interrupted suddenly making his way across the room. Severus looked between the two, who embraced like long lost lovers, all his previous suspicions confirmed.

The Weasley twins, standing on either side of Harry, whispered something into his ears that made him blush deeply.

As he walked by to answer the door yet again, Severus leaned in and purred in Black's ear, "Maybe later, _Padfoot_."

Black barked a laugh. "I always knew you were a pervy old sod, Snape."

Severus opened the door and scowled. "Colin Creevey, is it?"

"Yes, sir." The boy looked nervous.

"What year are you?"

"Fourth year, sir."

"You are far too young to attend. Come back when you reach your age of majority and _without_ your camera." The boy looked a bit put out, but promised to return later.

Before Severus could even shut the door, he was met by a face that could have been his own—if he were twenty years older and twenty pounds heavier.

"I'm afraid this party is by invitation only," Severus said to the man who had with him doppelgangers for Potter (although this man was far too short), Dumbledore (too angry), and McGonagall (she looked about right, surprisingly).

The man at the door raised a brow. Severus mirrored his action. They stared at one another until finally the man scowled and waving his hand toward his companions, turned on the spot, his robes billowing behind him. The rest of his group followed without a word.

"Amateur," Severus pronounced as he shut the door. Looking around at his guests, he smiled to himself. Yes, a nice bit of variety so far.

The next knock he recognized as Lucius's. How the man could convey his social status with a rap on the door was anyone's guess.

"Lucius. Narcissa. It's a pleasure," Severus said as they walked in. Narcissa was wearing her form fitting black robes and carried a riding crop in her hand, a sure sign she was to play the Domme this night.

"Severus," she said softly in greeting, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "You and Lucius are in for a treat tonight." He shivered as she ran the tip of the crop down his chest.

Lucius leaned in and murmured, "I love her when she's like this." Severus knew exactly what he meant.

_Knock knock._

Draco and Blaise were wrapped around each other, frotting against the jamb.

"Gentlemen, do you plan to do that all night?"

Draco looked at him with heavy lidded eyes, glazed with lust. "I doubt we'll be able to manage more than three or four rounds." Blaise snickered.

"Draco," Severus said in his cool drawl and that got their attention. "This is _my_ party. Unless you plan to share . . . " He trailed off allowing them to consider the offer.

Blaise and Draco nodded, and stepping through the door recommenced their tête-à-tête. Severus was sure he heard Granger whimper. He turned around and discovered that she was watching Luna and Ginny snogging, hands inside each other shirts.

"Ladies," he called out. They stopped and turned toward him, lips red and swollen. "Save some for me." They giggled, and nodding, began kissing once more.

_Delicious._

He overheard the youngest Weasley boy say as he walked past, "That's kinda hot, isn't it?"

Potter looked at Severus as he replied. "Yeah, he is."

Opening the door, Severus paled before pulling himself together.

"My Lord, Bellatrix. I'm thrilled you could attend." Bellatrix was wearing a collar attached to a lead the Dark Lord was holding in his right hand.

"Ah, Severusss. Ssso nice of you to invite usss," the snakelike man hissed.

"I have a special room for you, my Lord. Perhaps you and Bellatrix will wait for me there." Severus indicated a door behind him and to the left. He saw several shudders pass through the room out of the corner of his eye.

"How _generous_ of you, Severus, to think of your Master." Voldemort ran his ice-cold fingers over Severus's cheek, while Bellatrix cackled madly. He escorted them to the door and shut it behind them.

"What was that all about?" One of the Weasleys muttered.

"One must invite old friends as well as new ones," Severus said. "Although it is best to take certain _precautions_."

Charlie Weasley sidled over and sat down on the arm of the sofa next to Professor McGonagall. He took her hand and made to kiss it. Minerva pulled her wand and pointed it straight at him.

"You can't possibly believe I would fall for your charms."

"No, I guess not," Charlie snorted.

"Not until I've had a glass or two of Glenlivet anyway."

"You naughty kitty." Charlie smiled lasciviously and leapt up to get a glass of whisky for her.

"Watch your mouth, Mr. Weasley, or you won't get anywhere near my pu—

Shaking his head at _that_ disturbing conversation, Severus answered the door and found Regulus Black looking at him with those beautiful grey eyes, not looking a day over nineteen. Just like the last time he'd seen him.

"Severus," he smiled coyly as he embraced his fellow Slytherin.

"Reg," Severus replied, unaccountably choked up.

"REGULUS!" A voice shouted. The mood broken, Severus watched Black embrace his brother.

"As touching as this little Black family reunion is, you two can catch up later." Severus smirked. "Unless you both want to join me later?"

Black looked astonished, while Regulus blushed slightly. Severus had always believed Regulus worshiped his brother a little more than could be considered normal.

"We'll sort this out later, after a few drinks perhaps. I believe that's nearly everyone." Severus was quite satisfied with the turn out. It was a good thing he'd brewed a stamina potion as well as a large cauldron of lube the day before.

The next to arrive was Neville Longbottom holding a Devil's Snare.

"What sort of gift is that, Longbottom?" The man had really come into his own that last year at Hogwarts, slimming down a bit. No matter what, Severus _had_ to respect the man that had avenged his near death by killing the Dark Lord's hateful familiar.

"Actually, Professor, using a modified version of the Imperius curse, I have the plant completely under my control." One of the arms of the plant reached out and caressed Severus's cheek gently, while another of the arms wrapped around Longbottom's neck.

"I see," Severus replied, very much appreciating the implication. A little breathplay never killed anyone. Well, _almost_ never . . . "I expect a very thorough demonstration."

"My pleasure, sir." Longbottom leaned down and whispered to the plant as he walked away. "What a good girl, you are. Daddy will reward you tomorrow . . ."

"Wormtail!" Severus called and the rat-like man appeared in the doorway.

"It is time to serve the special champagne." Severus had added a potion to lower inhibitions but nothing more. Everyone would act on their desires without fear or shame. _Soon_, he reminded himself, _ very soon_.

"I'm not your servant," Wormtail groused, although he raised his wand and instantly, glass after glass of champagne appeared, each of the guests taking one.

When everyone had a glass, Severus raised his, intending to thank everyone for attending. However, he should have expected the bane of his existence to ruin his moment.

"To Severus Snape! The bravest man I ever knew!" Then Potter proceeded to topple into Longbottom and the Devil's Snare had him pinned down, its arms grasping and groping him _everywhere_.

"Drink up, ladies and gentleman!" Severus said loudly to cover the sound of Potter's moans.

There was another knock at the door. Frowning slightly, as he didn't think anyone he'd invited was missing, Severus opened the door to find Parvati and Padma Patil, dressed in Slytherin coloured saris, pushing in a large cake. Almost too large to fit through the door—or perhaps it grew after it entered the room.

"Are we going to sing?" the Weasley twins asked in unison.

"No," Severus replied but was drowned out by a chorus of yeses.

_"Happy birthday to you,  
Happy birthday to you,  
Happy birthday, dear Severus  
Happy birthday to you!"_

A flash of red light burst from the top of the cake and, clad in red lace knickers and nothing else, out popped . . .

Albus Dumbledore.

"Who the hell invited him?"

_The End._


End file.
